Dear Journal by Doug Funny

Dear Journal, hi! it's me, Doug.I checked my facebook account todayand Patti Mayonnaise accepted my friend requestIt took me half an hour to think of what to write on her wallbefore I settled for the nonchalant in “Hey, whats goin on”instead of “Patti you're the Mayonnaise for me, woah woah woah!”I pass the time by sifting through her 23 photo albums,then the 47 profile pics, and all 268 of the pictures she was tagged inwondering why a majority of them were taken in bathrooms.Then I notice her Honesty Boxand realize that this may be my chanceto let her know anonymously but know none-the-lessthat when it comes down to it...Patti, I’d eat liver and onions for you,sing along to the beat of The Beet’s “Oh eee ooh, killer tofu”whenever we needed to reminisce and if “there’s a bomb in the lasagna”I’ll be the first to dive on it and protect youSince for a while now I’ve wanted to stepinto the spotlight like Waa-na-naaaaa! Jack Bandit!and steal the show your heart’s been starring in.Patti, I’ve always loved how your hair mimics a sunflower’s bloomand even though the petals have been trimmedthat face is still the most beautiful mosaic of florets.Your voice has always been the perfect sheet of musica giver of life to the inanimate whenever I find myself“Bang'n on the trash can, drum'n on the street light, play'n on my banjoone little voice is calling me” back and forth from every daydream.Which leads me back to another journal entryabout a girl with heliotrope hairthat smiles like she stole May
Source: Brandon Berkley aka Y.P.